Director

  1. Paul Thomas Anderson, There Will Be Blood
  2. Bong Joon-ho, The Host
  3. David Fincher, Zodiac
  4. Edgar Wright, Hot Fuzz
  5. Joe Wright, Atonement

Performances of the Year

  1. Daniel DRAAANNNAAAGGGEEEE Lewis, There Will Be Blood (best actor)
  2. Kurt Russell, Death Proof
  3. Viggo Mortensen, Eastern Promises
  4. Robert Carlyle, 28 Weeks Later
  5. Kate Dickie, Red Road (best actress)
  6. John Cusack, 1408
  7. Dallas Roberts, 3:10 To Yuma (best supporting actor)
  8. Christian Bale, Rescue Dawn/I’m Not There/3:10 to Yuma
  9. Kate Blanchette, Golden Age/I’m Not There/Hot Fuzz
  10. Saoirse Ronan, Atonement (best supporting actress)
  11. Paul Dano, There Will Be Blood
  12. Vincent Cassel, Eastern Promises
  13. Chris Evans, Sunshine
  14. Russell Crowe, American Gangster and 3:10 to Yuma
  15. George Clooney, Michael Clayton

Ensemble

01. 3:10 To Yuma

Breakthrough Performance

  1. No Contest. It’s Saoirse Ronan from Atonement. Sorry Shilo LeBuffefuff.
  2. Chris Evans pulled off the impossible. He proved he could act in Sunshine.

Best Bit of Writing

01. Tie between Daniel Day Lewis’s “if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that’s a straw, you see? You watching?. And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake… I… drink… your… milkshake! ” and his “I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. I hate most people” monologue – There Will Be Blood

Best Catch Phrase

  1. See above, and add “I am the third revelation! I am who the Lord has chosen!” to the list for the hell of it.
  2. “I’m Not Paul Avery,” Zodiac

Screenplay

  1. Bong Joon-ho & Baek Chul-Hyun, The Host
  2. PT Anderson, There Will Be Blood
  3. James Vanderbilt, Zodiac
  4. Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright, Hot Fuzz
  5. Noah Baumbach, Margot at the Wedding
  6. Steven Knight, Eastern Promises

Cinematography

  1. Harris Savides, Zodiac
  2. Robert Elswit, There Will Be Blood
  3. Janusz Kaminski, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
  4. Barry Ackroyd, The Wind That Shakes The Barley
  5. Karl Walter Lindenlaub, Black Book

Art Direction

  1. Gary Freeman, Stephen Morahan and Denis Schnegg, Sunshine

Editing

  1. Bill Pankow, Redacted. Pankow, a long time editor for De Palma, never gets the respect he deserves.
  2. Dylan Tichenor, There Will Be Blood.

Original Score

  1. Susumu Hirasawa, Paprika
  2. Jonny Greenwood, There Will Be Blood
  3. Dario Marianelli, Atonement

Visual Effects

01. Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s 90s era CGI.

Best Animated Film

  1. Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colin Movie Film For Theaters
  2. Paprika

Best Opening

  1. Mountains, men, then mud in There Will Be Blood
  2. The Egypt set Aqua Teen opening. The film opens “Egypt. Millions of Years Ago,” and is followed by “3 p.m.,” and that if followed with “1492.”

Best Ending

  1. “I am the third revelation” Daniel Day Lewis screams in the off the (bowling) rails final act of TWWB before, you know, thumping some major gords. Unforgettable.
  2. Michael Clayton. The credits roll as Clooney takes a cab to nowhere.

Best Non-Ending

01. Zodiac. Cue “Hurly Burley Man” music.

Most Unintentionally Funny Line In A Kids Film

01. “If I don’t love it, I don’t… swallow” the stuffy critic says in the Rat movie.

The Richard Kohler “Died like a dying quail” award–Best Death Scene

01. Dad dies in The Host after his dumb-ass, B- farter of a son gave him the wrong gun.

Most Unintentionally Funny Death Scene

01. The dumb-ass Dutchess, Fergie, gets her brains eaten in Planet Terror and we couldn’t be happier.

Best Villain

  1. Bardem’s lost Stooge persona would be the obvious choice but I’m going instead with the white collar pair from Hostel II.
  2. Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton. For what she represents and for how dialed down and human her performance is. There are real people behind evil corporations.
  3. Saoirse Ronan–you little… liar! This character breathed fire into Atonement. Didn’t expect to love hating this girl so much.

Best Mexican Standoff

01. The one in No Country for Old Men where the killer, Bardem, shoots the air-gun at the door knob which shoots out, smacking Brolin in his five-head. As stand-offs go this is Intense, then funny then, like, woah, crazy. A Truly original moment.

The Best Homosexual Subtext Award Goes To…

  1. 3:10 to Yuma–Bale, Crowe, Foster and eye shadow!
  2. Hot Fuzz–male buddy love has never been funnier or more meaningful.
  3. Eastern Promises–Ass slapping fun.
  4. Seraphim Falls–Two men spend literally an entire film chasing each other through the snow, forest and desert. Why? You know why.
  5. Shoot em’ Up…with seamen!

The “Bocce Balls!” Award for Best Nudity

01. Carice van Houten in Black Book. Single handedly wining the war through boobage and bangage.

Movie That Should Have Performed Better

  • Mainstream: Sunshine and Zodiac, though it makes sense why neither set the box office ablaze
  • Arthouse: Margot at the Wedding
  • Foreign: The Host

Not As Bad As Everyone Says

  1. Hostel: Part II
  2. 300
  3. Awake

Not As Good As Everybody Says

  1. The Lives of Others
  2. Lars And The Real Girl
  3. The Savages
  4. Knocked Up

I Was So Embarrassed I Liked This That I Didn’t Even Review It

01. Awake

Movie I Was So Embarrassed I Liked That I Did Review It But Have Been Ridiculed For Ever Since

01. Hostel: Part II

Movie I Desperately Want To Like But Can’t Because It Still Sucks

01. Knocked Up

Movies I Should Have Seen

  1. Southland Tales
  2. I Don’t Want To Sleep Alone

Movie That Grew On Me Most

01. Zodiac grows and grows. Just released in a director’s cut form, I never tire of watching Fincher’s anti-thriller.

Movie That Grew Off Me Most

  1. No Country for Old Men, though I still like it a lot (enough to place it in my top ten).
  2. Knocked Up. I laughed. Then I thought about the film’s “be domesticated, don’t be an indivdual” message and hated.

Best Cult Film

  1. Aqua Teen.
  2. There Will Be Blood–that this impossible film “crossed over” astounds me. It will always be cultish to me rather than that film your grandparents are talking about.
The Chuck Heston Award For Best Overacting

  1. Nick Cage for the second year in a row. His performance in Ghost Rider is legendary. WATCHING THE ABOVE CLIP IS MANDATORY
  2. Daniel Day Lewis, There Will Be Blood. Nobody can act so broad, so well.

Best Underacting

  1. Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men. Stoic and stone cold.
  2. The cast of Eastern Promises.

Best Cameo

  1. Kate Blanchett as forensic cop (covered by a mask) girlfriend and Peter Jackson as crazy Santa in Hot Fuzz
  2. Bill Murray literally runs through The Darjeeling Limited (this is the only award that film is getting)

Worst Cameo

  1. Ryan Seacrest, Knocked Up.
  2. Keath Richards, Pirates of the Carribean

WTF Cameo

01. James Carville appears in The Assassination of Jesse James

The Andrew Reiter Award For Best Jason Lee Moment

01. The time has come to retire this award. Lee has officially run out of moments after Alvin and The Chipmunks and Underdog.

Best Poster

  1. Black Snake Moan
  2. Duck–Phillip Baker Hall hangs out with a duck on the poster. The poster is better than the film!
  3. Eastern Promises–simple, beautiful.

Worst Poster

  1. Dan In Real Life–pancakes?! Random Photoshopped head on pancakes?! WTF were they thinking?
  2. Daddy’s Little Girl
  3. Dead Silence–woo, watch out, a puppet

Best Theatrical Trailer

  1. The original There Will Be Blood teaser that plays against Lewis “I have a competition” speech. This may be my favorite trailer of all time.
  2. Though the movie sucked, the trailer for Reno 911: Miami was awesome, esp. when the crew tried to push a beached whale into the ocean.
  3. Machete–three cheers for fucking with the wrong Mexican.

Trailer. I. Could. Not. Stand.

  1. Across the Universe–didn’t want to see it the first time I saw the trailer, wanted to kill it the tenth!
  2. Good Luck Chuck–what made less sense than the plot is the fact that Dane Cook has a film career
Best Chocolate Eating

01. Chocolate saves the day in Black Book.

Best Meat Moment

  1. Daniel Day Lewis carnovorusley eats a steak at the end of TWWB

Favorite Movie Snack This Year

  1. Trader Joes Fruit Strips.
  2. Free popcorn and soda that I got at all the screenings…

Least Favorite Movie Snack

  1. …getting a major stomach ache from all the free popcorn and soda.
  2. Hearing my roommate eat Peanut M&Ms after not offering me any :(

Inductees

  • Vice Movie Man: Derek Gregory Smith
  • Movie Snob Consultent: Derek Gregory Smith
  • East Coast Correspondent: Esther
  • Movie Companion: Ivy Victoria Butters