If you were lucky enough to not see Neil Marshall’s “The Descent” then do yourself a favor and do so again on his latest film. There’s not much to “Doomsday” except for the doom part of the title. For starters, it’s not really about the end of the world. It’s about the end of the UK (again?!) via a virus breakout in Scotland that infects every kilt waring bloke in town. The whole joint is isolated in the world’s dumbest quarantine plan: a thirty foot high brick wall. 30 years after this extinction level event to borrow a Busta Rhymes lyric (or should I say “28 Years Later”???), the doomsday virus emerges in England and the deceptive government (is there any other kind) sponsored special elite team (you know, the kind from every film post “Aliens”) is sent back to ground zero to discover why there are survivors.

Maybe the survivors have the cure. Or maybe they’re Darwinism in action–a sign from God that our city populations are growing too big and need to be “dealt with.” “In the land of the infected, the immune man is king” the country’s lone scientist posits, having no doubt just read the handbook for mad scientist-speak. In a bout of “No Escape” ripoff-iage, the so-called survivors are divided between heavy metal cannibals that have a thing for theatrics, fire and motorcycles (God, they ARE stuck in the 80s) and medieval fatalists lead by the doctor that have abandoned humanity to live in a castle for some unknown reason. Enter the humorless, bland but beautiful one-eyed superhero played by Rhona Mitra. With her vampy Laura Croft frame and “Resident Evil”/Snake Plisskin (she even has a patch!) swagger, Edan (yes, her name is that overwrought) shoots first and asks questions later.

After all that shooting, when we finally get to the later part, there are no questions. None worth asking at any rate. Look, I have no problem admitting that I paid to see the film because I love, love, love post apocalyptic thrill rides. I love them for what they say about the human condition via a very telling Biblical desire to perform a global do-over and start anew by casting off the “undesirable” elements of society. I also love these kinds of films because they are always allowed more freedom (stylistically as well as narratively) than the usual sci-fi or action fare. This film has the premise right but none of the curiosity or visual excitement to capture my imagination. Any film can get the concept right, very few manage to make the concept work so consider “Doomsday” a causality of its own war. It’s “28 Days/Weeks Later,” it’s “Mad Max,” it’s “Road Warrior,” it’s “Thunderdome,” it’s “Resident Evil,” it’s Romerio, it’s Carpenter… it’s crap!

Grade: C