The best horror films of all time…

Alien (1979, Scott)–Horror begins and ends with “Alien” as far as I’m concerned. I am a sci-fi guy and Ridley Scott’s was THE guy to take that genre and plant his alien seed, seamlessly crossbreeding it with true and claustrophobic horror. The resulting ingestion period spit out not just the best piece of horror ever seen but one of the best examples of the cinema experience period. The post-”2001,” post “Star Wars” story and visuals expanded the outer reaches of science fiction and did something no science fiction film ever did: make space feel real and intimate as a crew of blue collar space, uh, people encounter an alien… not so much monster but parasite. It’s hard to say what works “best” about the film. For my money it’s the “Psycho” switch–a third of the way into this film when Tom Skerritt, the only ”name” actor in the film next to Harry Dean Stanton when it was made, was killed we were left without a stable center and that make the film feel up for grabs. Enter Sigourney Weaver, the unlikely and at the time unknown star. Along the years and after fighting and endless hoard of these creatures her motto could be ”I’ve known you for so long that I don’t know anything else” and I would say the same thing about this flawless film because I can’t think of horror without first thinking of “Alien.”

1. Alien (1979, Scott)
2. Evil Dead II (1987, Raimi)–never. gets. old.
3. The Thing (1982, Carpenter)–the best remake ever made by the best horror director ever.
4. The Host (2007, Bong)–funny, sad, scary.
5. Let the Right One In (2008, Alfredson)–best film of 2008.
6. Day of the Dead (1985, Romero)
7. The Exorcist (1973, Friedkin)–gets credit for legitimizing horror films in a way nothing else had before or has since. Also becaus it’s really good. Ruined my childhood though.
8. Videodrome (1983, Cronenberg)–long live the New Cronenberg.
9. Demon Night: Tales from the Cript (1995, Dickerson)–I am not ashamed to write that “Demon Night” is good enough to warrent a top ten spot. The film has the structure of a Western but is horror all the way. Goofy but intense.
10. 28 Weeks Later (2007, Fresnadillo)–”Weeks,” not “Days.” Give us a “Months!!!!”
11. Antichrist (2009, von Trier)–too soon to tell exactly how good it is but it will always be scary. But is it horror? Yes.
12. Jacob’s Ladder (1990, Lyne)–best twist ever.
13. Rosemary’s Baby (1968, Polanski)–stay strong, brotha!
14. Re-Animator (1985, Gordon)–the only good film based on a Lovecraft story.
15. Cemetery Man (1994, Soavi)
16. The Ninth Gate (2000, Polanski)
17. Thirst (2009, Park)
18. Shaun of the Dead (2004, Wright) –2004, the best year for zombie  movies ever.
19. May (2002, Mckee)–a fantastic and classic indie cult horror movie that’s “Welcome to the Dollhouse” meets “Frankenstine.”
20. Screamers (1995, Duguay)–a true and totally bleak 90s cult sci-fi horror hybrid. This film will never be liked.
21. Phantom of the Paradise (1974, De Palma)
22. The Cabnet of Dr. Caligari (1920, Wene) The first horror film ever.
23. Blade II (2002, del Toro)
24. Event Horizon (1997, P Anderson)
25. The Last Man on Earth–Omega Man, the remake, is better (and one of my favorite movies of all time) but “Last Man” is more true to its horror roots. As for “I Am Legend”… well, lets not talk about it. Vincent Price is a one-of-a-kind horror movie actor and this is his best film because he plays it so real rather than campy.
26. Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992, Coppola)–not a Coppola fan but his interpretation of Dracula is visionary and way ahead of its time. Gary Oldman’s depiction of the Count stands as the best movie monster performance ever.
27. Land of the Dead (2006, Romero)
28. Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994, Craven)–Way better than his old Nightmare. As Craven films go, NM is Scream before there was a Scream. The horror re-imagining stars the actress from the first “Nightmare,” Heather Langenkamp, playing the actress from the first “Nightmare.” Wes Craven’s even in it playing Wes Craven, a director haunted by his Freddy creation! Sooooo meta. And soooo scary!
29. Slither (2007, Gunn)–a rare film that remembers that horror films are also allowed to be fun.
30. Shadow of the Vampire (2001, Merhige)
31. Nosferatu (1922, Murnau)–watch the above back to back with “Nosferatu” for a great night, muahhaha.
32. Army of Darkness: Evil Dead (1992, Raimi)
33. Halloween (1978, Carpenter)
34. The Hills Have Eyes (2006, Aja)
35. MST3K’s Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
36. Quarntine/[rec] (2008)
37. In the Mouth of Madness (1994, Carpenter)–this self aware, Lovecraftian horror film, about a horror writer, is one of the most overlooked horror films in the history of the genre.
38. Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000, Kawajiri)
39. Don’t Look Now (1973, Roeg)
40. Dawn of the Dead (2004, Snyder)–the remake is better than Romero’s version. I said it.
41. Dressed to Kill (1980, De Palma)
42. Deep Red (1975, Argento)–have to say it grew on me. Argento’s best and most focused effort.
43. Hostel II (2008, Roth)–people really dislike this film.
44. The Birds (1963, Hitchcock)–evil birds? WTF? Sharks, yeah; lions, sure; alligators, okay; insects even but birds??? Here is a film that really should not have worked if you only looked at it on paper… but it’s Hitchcock. I love that the firm almost apocalyptic.
45. Lord of Illusions (1992, Barker)–not many people know about this film. And they all suck.
46. Eyes Without a Face (1960, Franju)
47. The Hour of the Wolf (1968, Bergman)–Bergman? Horror? Yes!
48. What Lies Beneath (2000, Zemeckis)
49. Interview with the Vampire (1994, Jordan)–I grew up on this film and am a huge fan of Anne Rice (I know, I know). That the film does not hold up well is why it missed the list.
50. Martin (1973, Romero)–This loser vampire story (an awkward kid likes to drink blood) is most unique non-horror approach to this horror film I have ever seen. Oh, and this film does not star Martin Lawrence.

Just Missed the List…

• Cronos (1996, del Toro)
• The Fury (1978, de Palma)–X-Men meets Scanners.
• 28 Days Later (2002, Boyle)–would be in the top twenty if it weren’t for the abysmal last act set in a military base. What a way to ruin a potential classic.
• The Prophecy (1995, Widen)–Christopher Walken as an evil angel, Eric Stoltz as a good angel, Elias Koteas as the hero and Viggo Mortensen as Satan. God, how I love the 90s!!!
• Exorcist III (1990, Blatty)–underrated and unfortunately criticized horror sequel. It also contains the most scary and well shot horror scene of all time. One word: hallway)

Note: Though they exhibit horror elements sci-fi action movies like “Aliens” or “They Live” or “Predator” are not, by my definition, horror first and foremost. There’s a lot of close-calls in this genre. For instance, are “Mulholland Dr.,” and “Eraserhead” horror? Is this month’s “Antichrist” really horror? Is “Jaws” horror? And finally, do serial killer movies such as “Psycho” belong more to the horror or the thriller genre–unless its a killer movie like “Dressed to Kill” where the reality is heightened to a point of un-reality I would say the latter but I this is totally the eye of the beholder so you can call bullshit on me but please don’t because I love you.

Best Horror Performances

• Gary Oldman, Dracula
• Williem Dafoe, Shadow of the Vampire
• Bruce Campbell, Evil Dead series
• Sigourney Weaver, Alien series
• Klaus Kinski, Nosferatu
• John Cusack, 1408
• Ray Parks as Fast Draw Earl McGraw at the beginning of From Dusk Till Dawn. Every second is flawless. And who would have thought that McGraw would go to be in three more Tarentino films (both Kill Bills as well as Grindhouse)
• Jeff Goldblum in the Fly
• Kare Hedebrant and Linda Leandersson, Let the Right one In.
• Vincent Pryce in anything he did

Worst Horror Films of All Time: Campy-Bad Gets a Pass, These Are Bad-Bad

1. Friday the 13th–take your pick. Jason is a boring and blunt ”monster” that elicits no interest or dread. The plots are recycled and the characters he slashes are  not worth the slashing–I liked Freddy vs. Jason though.
2. I Know What You Did Last Summer–a film about Jennifer Love Hewitt’s boobs… and not much else.
3. The Grudge
4. The Village
5. The Exorcist 2: The Heretic
6. Alone in the Dark–I heart to hate Uwe Boll
7. Soul Survivors
8. Any horror film with “In Space” in the title. “Jason X: IN SPACE,” “Hellraiser: IN SPACE,” and of course “Leprechaun: IN SPACE… In the Hood.”
9. When a Stranger Calls–the most boring horror film of all time. ring. hello. silence. WHO  IS IT! WHHHHOOOOOOOOO! the end
10. Rocky Horror Picture Show–I just don’t get it.
11. One Missed Call
12. The Hills Have Eyes 2
13. Any movie with “Chucky”–I hate Chucky.
14. Day of the Dead (remake)
15. Any “Crow” movie that is not the first “Crow”
16. Halloween III-H20
17. Scream 3

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