• What’s Good: Uh…. something good… oooh, I know. I’m glad to see William Stryker back and glad to see he’s played by Danny Huston. But when is someone going to grow some balls and make him the religious zealot he is in the comics?  Also good is that the “X-Men Origins” PS3 game rocks. It’s way better than the film.  
• What’s Not: TOO MANY MUTANTS. THIS IS A WOLVERINEFILM NOT ANOTHER X-MEN FILM. The problem though is not so much that “X-Men:Origins” fails to make the cut (ha!) but that after “Dark Knight,” “Iron Man,” “Hellboy II,” “Watchmen” and, okay, even the underrated ”Hancock,” I have been sooooo spoiled by unique and creative superhero films that to see one play it this safe and mindless reminds me that good and challenging superhero films are not the norm but, instead, films like “Origins” are.  
• Faux Peter Traverse Quote: Don’t get too close to this Wolverine or you’ll get cut… with sizzling sparks of popcorn!  

“Origins” is not a comic book movie. It’s a summer sampler platter. You get a little of everything but not much of anything in particular to savor. We’ve entered an age where comic book films exist, not because they have to, but because they can. There is no impending directive behind ol’ Wolve’s solo narrative outing. No story or back story for that matter that simply must to be told (“Batman Begins” is one that did for example). “Origins,” in other words, is filler material. Not a well sketched tribute to the character or the comic so much as an opportunity to making money off him–that loud slurping sound you hear is every last bit of marrow being sucked from Logan’s adamantium bones. What’s more, the story is not told very well, does not engage beyond primal things blow up/things get cut enjoyment and does not flow organically. With jerky and obligatory feeling plot movements this “prequel” details Logan’s sad but auspicious start and follows his bony clawed trajectory from a scared boy with father issues to a seemingly ageless warrior caught up in one war after another to being in Canada for like five seconds to getting more mutant powers from a figure who wants to make him stronger as much as he wants to kill him. What?! Why? Simple: because things need to blow up and because Logan needs to then swear revenge by slicing stuff in half so that, after doing so, he can walk away from a fireball in slow motion. Oh, and because he likes flexing.

There’s nothing else to this film. Besides flexing there’s, let’s see, boasting, displaying, screaming to the heavens and veiny neck scowl-offs that leave Wolverine and Sabertooth looking like hissing cats. There’s also this power or that power made by this mutant or that mutant. Before during and after Logan and his loverImeanbrother Victor Creed (aka Sabertooth… aka Liev Schreiber showing wife Naomi Watts that he can make money too, damn it) join a crude superhero militia run by shifty Government spook William Stryker (the great Danny Huston, taking over where the greater Brian Cox left off in “X2″) the film indulges in a rogues gallery (not Rogue’s gallery mind you) of supermen and their superpowers that does not follow plot logic but basic stage direction introductions and departures; enter Cyclops, enter Blob, enter/exit/enter Deadpool, enter Gambit, etc. This need for constant –and empty–reference absorption is no more evident than with the character of Deadpool, a government”project” able to ultimately incorporate all mutant powers and played by an actor, Ryan Reynolds, who does the same with other actors (and gives the exact same performance as his character in “Blade 3″… so he’s ripping himself off now!). A mutant that combines all mutant powers may sound cool but it does not follow the rules of the X-Men universe. One reason may be that it’s as stupid as a kid (or Napoleon Dynamite) that comes up with a tiger/shark/dinosaur creature because nothing’s cooler. 

In other words there’s a lot of cluster-fuckery in this X-Men. The news of a film surrounding a SINGLE and SOLO ”X-Men” character was indeed great news because while some X-Men are great and all, we always had to share them with the likes of Storm (sorry Halie Berry fans). And now that we finally get one to ourselves, what happens? The writers simply pile on more mutants! WRONG DIRECTION 

Another problem is that director Gavin Hood, known for his Oscar winning foreign drama “Totsi,” has as much identity as an action filmmaker as Catherine Hardwick did last when all her skills amounted to ”Twilight” looking like absolute ass. I was expecting really cool effects after watching the blueprint that was the much talked about leaked workprint but I guess my imagination got the better of me because what I saw was not as good as what I wanted to see. Maybe Fox just gave up on finishing after everyone downloaded the film for free. So not only are the effects middle of the road but the way the (already lame) effects are captured and put into motion by the (newly lame) director and production team is even more underwhelming. 

Even though he has logged only two decent performances under his utility belt (“The Prestige” and “The Fountain”), Hugh Jackman is totally likable. And while the long legged Aussie is not 100% suited for the stocky/manly/insane Wolverine persona I can’t really think of anyone I’d rather see do the character at this point. Or perhaps I’m just too lazy to embrace a new one–either way, Jackman is fine, it’s the material that’s not. Look, I can shit on this film all day but what keeps me from whipping out my berserker rage on it is the fact that ”Origins” adds more to the table than Bret Ratner’s mythos damning version which I wish didn’t exist. This film has a right to exist but just not to be necessarily liked.  It’s mearley something to keep us going until the next big superhero film which will no doubt be a Magneto or Deadpool “Origins” cash-in.

Do I like this film. No. Did I give it a shot despite being turned off (and turning off) the leaked workprint? Yes. I and so many others should not only get credit for doing so but for proving that even if the Internet nerds steal a movie here and there, and even if we hate the movie we outright stole, we’re still going to pay to see it. And then buy it on Bluray. And then watch it on cable. And then bitch how much it sucks. Such is the life.

Grade: C-